Amylee lost her three-day-old son. Her big sister Katie helped pull her out of the darkness
Warning: Distressing content
Leaving hospital without their newborn boy was the second-hardest thing new parents Amylee and Thiago Magalhaes have ever had to do.
The most difficult — switching off their three-day-old son Jack’s life support.
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Just as other people were celebrating the start of the brand new year of 2013, Amylee and her husband were trying to come to terms with the heartache of unexpectedly losing their first child.
“I refused to go back home,” Amylee tells 7Life about the gamut of emotions she faced following the shock death of her newborn baby.
“His car seat was in my car, the nursery was set up, everything was ready for him.
“I couldn’t do it.”
The NSW woman had enjoyed an uneventful pregnancy, going into labour at 41 weeks in January 2013, just after the clock struck new year.
She and Thiago had been so excited to welcome their first baby.
“It was a super healthy pregnancy,” Amylee says.
“No issues, no concerns. I was classed as low risk.”
But at their local hospital, things took a turn.
After 48 hours in labour, Jack’s heartbeat began to plummet — and the hospital wasn’t able to deal with the potential emergency.
Still in childbirth, Amylee was transferred to a larger hospital 20 minutes away.
“By the time I got there, he had no heartbeat,” she says.
“They just quickly knocked me out, to get him out as quick as possible.”
Jack was born via emergency c-section – but he wasn’t crying.
Staff immediately began resuscitation and, after a gruelling nine minutes, the newborn took his first breath.
As she woke from the anaesthetic, Amylee was told by doctors that “Jack was not okay”.
The new mother was wheeled into the NICU to meet her baby boy.
“He was so small,” she remembers.
“He had all of these tubes around him, and they didn’t know if he had a brain injury.
“But his lungs weren’t working properly, and he had an issue with clotting his own blood.”
Amylee tried to focus on the positives.
Although Jack was connected to life support, he wasn’t using it – he was breathing on his own.
“As long as he is fighting to be here, I would fight for him,” she says.
Staff then requested Jack be transferred to a hospital that could deal with his extensive medical needs.
With Amylee still recovering from her surgery, she was unable to go with him.
So, the family split up.
Amylee’s parents – who were to become known as “Mopsey” and “Popsey” after the birth of their first grandchild – stayed with their daughter.
Thiago, along with Amylee’s older sister Katie and her husband, followed Jack.
The warrior
But just half an hour after Jack and his entourage had left, a nurse delivered Amylee heartbreaking news.
“She said: ‘We have organised emergency transport for you. It looks like Jack isn’t going to make it’,” the mum says.
While en route, Jack’s condition had deteriorated, so hospital staff were trying to urgently work out logistics – to allow the family to say goodbye.
Amylee and her parents were whisked to the larger hospital, where they were given some slightly good news.
“He had made it and I could see him. Jack was a fighter,” Amylee says.
For two-and-a-half days, he battled for his tiny life.
“I remember, it was the morning of the fourth (of January) when I went to see him,” Amylee says.
“A nurse told me that overnight he had stopped breathing for himself and was now completely using the machines.”
With her baby now reliant on life support, Amylee, who had been trying to remain strong for her sick little son, broke down.
“I knew it was time,” she says, crying.
“And I made the decision to let him go.
“It was such a tough decision but he had done his fighting and I had to let him go.”
At 11.45am on January 4, 2013 the extended family stood by as Amylee turned off Jack’s machine.
“It was the first time I had held him,” Amylee says tearfully.
“And it was the last time.”
Looking over at her husband, she gently cradled their boy and rocked him in her arms.
Jack took his final breath in his dad’s loving arms.
Going home
Even more than 10 years later, Amylee and Thiago can’t describe the pain of leaving the hospital without their precious first born.
Grief stricken, the new mother didn’t want to return home to the perfectly decorated nursery.
She didn’t want to see the newborn onesies waiting to be worn or the toys ready to be played with.
And Jack’s beautiful bedding, which he was never to use, was an especially big trigger.
“Mum was a seamstress, so she made all the bedding for the nursery,” Amylee says.
From choosing the fabric and stitching it all together, the quality handmade bedding was a prized possession.
Seeing their daughter’s grief, her parents organised an Airbnb for the couple to stay in and spend some time to recover.
“It was honestly the best thing,” Amylee says.
Honouring Jack
Family surrounded the grieving couple and they spent time remembering Jack and the huge hole he had already left.
Amylee and her two sisters had matching tattoos of Jack’s name inked on their wrists, something the mum never thought she would do.
And after 10 days, Thiago and Amylee returned home.
As time went by, the parents found ways to deal with their grief and honour Jack.
“Eventually I knew that people would forget about Jack stop talking about him,” Amylee says.
In fact, it was quite the opposite.
As they worked through their own grief, “Mopsey” and Katie began creating nursery bedding sets.
And in honour of Mopsey’s original creations for Jack, the duo began selling the sets online – effectively turning their grief into a cottage industry.
“Katie came to me and asked me if I wanted to help them,” Amylee says of the venture.
Amylee joined the team and eventually they named their small business Snuggly Jacks.
“Every blanket we sent out was like sending out a hug from Jack,” she smiles.
“Katie is the true brains behind it. Without her support I honestly would have never gotten through this.”
Sharing pain
Amylee now shares Jack’s story in the hope of helping other families who have lost a baby know they are not alone.
“It’s been 10 years,” she says.
“But I hope my pain and my grief can help someone know it’s okay what they are going through.”
Thiago and Amylee have since welcomed a daughter Sophie, now eight.
Snuggly Jacks has now ticked over $1 million in sales, and the sisters are still in disbelief – at both the strength of the enterprise, and the lasting way in which they are honouring Amylee’s tiny baby.
“I was so afraid that everyone would forget about Jack,” Amylee says.
“Now everyday I get to send out a little piece of him.”
If you or someone you know has suffered pregnancy or infant loss, you can contact Pink Elephants Support Network or Red Nose Australia.
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